Mom: were you smiling at the young waiter?
Me: yeah cause I saw he was carrying our food. I'm only interested in men who are carrying food.

Boss: Hey guys, quick meeting. I heard there was a party last night, and word has gotten around. The director knows about it, and some of the kids know about it too. So, just a reminder to not talk about that stuff at camp. Okay?
Me: I just wanna say.... I wasn't invited to this party and I'm a little offended right now.

Telling my students about my date:

evereverafterly:

Me:

image

My students:

image


Sister: You have a booger.
Friend: I know.
Me: She's saving it for later.
Friend: I wish...

Sister: You have a booger.
Friend: I know.
Me: She's saving it for later.
Friend: I wish...

thekatewhotravels:

New York City. Center of the universe.

Central Park, NYC
June 2014
(my photography, eea/tkwt/kcia)


epic-humor:

#COOL PARENTS

(via theshirtlessgibbby)


evereverafterly:

For Father’s Day, my dad wanted a beer that represented his relationship with us. Hannah bought him “Sunshine Pils” “400 Pound Monkey” and “Good JuJu”. I bought him “Arrogant Bastard Ale” “Bigfoot Ale” and “Undead Party Crasher”.
HE DRANK ALL OF THEM. SO IMPRESS. It did not help him play Corn Hole tho…

evereverafterly:

For Father’s Day, my dad wanted a beer that represented his relationship with us. Hannah bought him “Sunshine Pils” “400 Pound Monkey” and “Good JuJu”. I bought him “Arrogant Bastard Ale” “Bigfoot Ale” and “Undead Party Crasher”.

HE DRANK ALL OF THEM. SO IMPRESS. It did not help him play Corn Hole tho…


Sister: I like... how they dressed Dwight... in neutral colors... that remind me of diarrhea ...

Mom: I'm having a bad day. Nothing looks good on me, I don't look good...
Hannah: Mom. Not to be gross but all my friends wanna bang you.
Mom: -places her hand on her heart-
Hannah: I know, it's gross.
Mom: No... it's just what I needed to hear.